We will call him "J". On December 30th of 2007, I was shopping at Target getting things for the house, and getting ready for the holiday weekend. I received a call from my brother who was extremely upset and said I needed to come quickly to his house! So I dropped what I was doing and rushed over. There had been an argument between him and "J's" mother, and she decided to get the police involved. I spent about an hour with the police officers and we came to the decision that it was best that "J" was removed from the home. The officers stayed with me until my brother packed up my car with all of his belongings, and we never looked back. It was a rough first few weeks, but after that he was just like one of our own!! Our children at the time were 4 and 2, and Jayden had just turned 1.This is about a year later, on a family vacation....
We spent months getting our lives Organized with a 3rd child, not to mention trying to purchase everything he needed at that age. We went through an attorney and filed for guardianship, which was a trying time in itself, but we followed through and got it! Our kids were so great to him, but at the same time they were so confused as to why he was now living with us, and not his mom and dad.
After the first few weeks we had decided that we should probably get the crib out of the attic and get the room set-up as if it was his own! I don't have a picture of his first room in our home, but let's just say he LOVED it!! Here is a picture of the boys when they got their new bed from Ikea last year....
After about 6 months, I heard "J" call my hubby "Daddy"! It was something that touched us all. We never told him we were mom and dad, but he took it upon himself to call us by that. We had made him feel welcomed, loved and safe. He knew we would not turn our backs on him, and that he had a place to call home. Here is one of my fav pics of him. He was so sick, and fell asleep on the couch with his bowl:
He's the most loving little blond haired blue eyed boy you've ever met! Such a sweet child, facing a very difficult time!
Fast forward to March of 2010, his mom and dad got back together, had jobs and a place to live, and demanded that "J" go back to live with them. I remember looking at my husband and just breaking down in tears. I knew we wanted him to be raised with his parents, but for so long they did not care to come see him, let alone care to raise him. We really had no choice but to let him go. We did however still have legal guardianship over him the entire time. We only sent him with the basics, and his blankie. It was VERY hard to not let him take everything, but his mom and dad needed to realize that raising a child is not cheap, and I was in no way going to provide everything for them.
We got to see "J" maybe once a week if we were lucky, and that was VERY hard on us all. We missed him so much, and I know he was so confused! His mom and dad made sure that he knew we were not his mom and dad, and that they were. He became very withdrawn when he was around us during this time. It was so sad to stand by and watch this happen to such a sweet child that we raised for 2 and a half years!
Fast forward to August of 2010! I get yet ANOTHER phone call from my mother this time, saying that she was on her way to pick up "J" and that he would be coming to live with us again....
There had been another incident with the mom and dad, and this was the last straw! We opened our home up to him again, and it was as if he never left. I had not brought myelf to clean out his closet while he was gone, and maybe that was a sign of what was to come.
After the first few weeks we had decided that we should probably get the crib out of the attic and get the room set-up as if it was his own! I don't have a picture of his first room in our home, but let's just say he LOVED it!! Here is a picture of the boys when they got their new bed from Ikea last year....
After about 6 months, I heard "J" call my hubby "Daddy"! It was something that touched us all. We never told him we were mom and dad, but he took it upon himself to call us by that. We had made him feel welcomed, loved and safe. He knew we would not turn our backs on him, and that he had a place to call home. Here is one of my fav pics of him. He was so sick, and fell asleep on the couch with his bowl:
He's the most loving little blond haired blue eyed boy you've ever met! Such a sweet child, facing a very difficult time!
Fast forward to March of 2010, his mom and dad got back together, had jobs and a place to live, and demanded that "J" go back to live with them. I remember looking at my husband and just breaking down in tears. I knew we wanted him to be raised with his parents, but for so long they did not care to come see him, let alone care to raise him. We really had no choice but to let him go. We did however still have legal guardianship over him the entire time. We only sent him with the basics, and his blankie. It was VERY hard to not let him take everything, but his mom and dad needed to realize that raising a child is not cheap, and I was in no way going to provide everything for them.
We got to see "J" maybe once a week if we were lucky, and that was VERY hard on us all. We missed him so much, and I know he was so confused! His mom and dad made sure that he knew we were not his mom and dad, and that they were. He became very withdrawn when he was around us during this time. It was so sad to stand by and watch this happen to such a sweet child that we raised for 2 and a half years!Fast forward to August of 2010! I get yet ANOTHER phone call from my mother this time, saying that she was on her way to pick up "J" and that he would be coming to live with us again....
There had been another incident with the mom and dad, and this was the last straw! We opened our home up to him again, and it was as if he never left. I had not brought myelf to clean out his closet while he was gone, and maybe that was a sign of what was to come.
As of today, we still have full guardianship, and the mom is out of the picture until she can stay out of legal trouble. His dad on the other hand is in and out.
I know that this child is not mine. But I want to know how long he has to be put through this? How long does my family have to be put through this? I could wake up tomorrow and lose this little boy again. My hubby and I have decided that if they take him back again, that this is it. We cannot keep doing this to ourselves and our own children. Is that selfish? It was the hardes't decision to make because we do love this little boy as our own, but the stress of him mom and dad, and the heartache of losing a child is a lot to go through.
I know that this child is not mine. But I want to know how long he has to be put through this? How long does my family have to be put through this? I could wake up tomorrow and lose this little boy again. My hubby and I have decided that if they take him back again, that this is it. We cannot keep doing this to ourselves and our own children. Is that selfish? It was the hardes't decision to make because we do love this little boy as our own, but the stress of him mom and dad, and the heartache of losing a child is a lot to go through.
We would keep him forever in a heartbeat if it came to that, but we may never know. As for now, we live day by day, praying that this little boy stays safe in our home!!
I hope you enjoyed those cute pictures of our special little boy, and PLEASE give me any feedback you may have!
This is such an amazing thing that you have done! And I don't know if I would have the strength to give him back, especially knowing how quickly he seems to be 'given back' to you. I wish it were simple, and I'm sure you do too! Big hugs to you, him and your family!
ReplyDeletePhew, that brought tears to my eyes. J's little smile reminds me so much of my own youngest son, and as a child, I was in a semi-similar situation as him. It's certainly not my place to insert an opinion, but in your place, I'd reconsider not taking him back if he gets pulled away and then given up again. It's desperately difficult, but it sounds like your family is the one stable influence in his life and he will need that so much. Is it possible to investigate more permanent custody arrangements such as adoption? It really seems as if his emotional, if not physically, wellbeing is at stake.
ReplyDeleteErin, thank you for the sweet comment! It is very hard to be in the situation considering the circumstances.
ReplyDeleteTanya, I really really appreciate the feedback. If it were up to me, I would adopt him in a heartbeat! He has parents that don't want to raise him, but if you even mention perm. custody, they flip out. And of course I would never turn my back on this little boy, but I have my own children who need a stable mother that is not constantly torn apart from losing another child. Of course that would probably all change, are we ever faced with that decision. But I truly appreciate the feedback, and please feel free to e-mail me with any other insight you may have.
Sincerely, Jenn
Wow what a story! I'm a mom of an almost 6 year little guy and a 4 month little girl and can't even imagine then not being in my house! As sad as that is, it is the norm for so many of the little kiddos out there. J is so darn lucky to have your wonderful family influence. I can't give you any input because I'm not in your shoes... but know that in your heart you have done all that is possible to help the adorable little guy... let's pray for a miracle and a permanent adoption =)
ReplyDelete**If you are not religious, I apoligize, I just saw it fitting, and I do not want to offend anyone!
I appreciate the prayers more than anything!!! :) He is our little Angel, and has made me a better person!! I feel the same way as you, there is NO WAY I could survive without my children, but for whatever reason, those two can. I just want this little boy to know that we will ALWAYS be here for him, no matter what.. because he is getting to the age where he is starting to understand.
ReplyDeleteWe will see what road god takes us down, but whatever it be, he is my angel!!
What a sweet little boy. I think it is amazing what you and your family have done for him. I will be in prayer for the situation for sure! He looks just like my hubby did when he was little. It makes me want to hug him. And I will be in prayer for the parents too. That they will decide to do what is best for their little guy...especially if that is leaving him to live in peace with your wonderful family. Thanks for sharing this sweet story. Keep us posted!
ReplyDeleteI saw that you had become a follower of my blog and when I read your profile I was intrigued.....wow..what an amazing and difficult journey you have been on. Truly, though, you have provided this littls boy with security and love that he so desperately needs at this age!
ReplyDeleteCling to the promise..."For I know the plans that I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you...plans to give you hope and a future!" Jeremiah 29:11
I don't think I have ever commented on a blogger I didn't know. I made my way over here from my friend Brandy's blog (Gluesticks) and read your wedding story and then about 'J'. It brings tears to my eyes to see what he's been through with his birth parents and the going back and forth. Thankfully, he has your family to help him feel loved and safe. I hope he feels that the rest of his life.
ReplyDeleteI would advise you to file for full Adoption of this precious angel. Write every bad thing that has happened down and make copies. You should get copies of each police report to go with your own personal information about the incidents. Keeping a copy of everything for your own files. One major thing to do for him is to get him to a mental health therapist. I will be keeping him and your family members in my prayers {{hugz}}
ReplyDelete